Reply to Assure me I did the right thing!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It feels bad because you crave her validation. That's it. You want her to approve of you and she's being disapproving and it feels bad. This is not atypical with parent-child relationships. All children want their parents to approve.

It does not matter if the thing she's disapproving is whatever it is you guys decided to do, or the fact that you didn't tell her before. Either way, she is disapproving a choice you made and it hurts because you want your mom to approve of you.

The fact that she has a history of being overbearing and critical has likely made this much worse for you. While all kids want their parents' approval, people who have been denied this a lot want it much more. If she was very critical of you as a child, you are probably still trying to make up for that and it's made you very insecure, at least we're your mom is concerned. I am like this with my dad, and to a lesser extent my mom. They are very judgmental people but my dad, in particular, simply never seemed to like or approve of anything I did as a kid and I just kind of carry that around with me. It can be hard.

I think in addition to sharing less with your mom, you need to work on detaching from her opinion of you. I would address it directly. When you feel those awful feelings, talk yourself through it: "I am sad because I want my mom to love me and validate me, and she doesn't. I want her to approve of this choice, and she won't. But I approve of this choice. I'm an adult and I made this choice thoughtfully and it is the right one for me. It is okay that my mom doesn't approve of it -- the important thing is that I do." Repeat as needed.[/quote]
Thank you so much for taking the time to post this. I’ve saved your affirmation in my notes on my phone and I will reference it when I need it. It hit me like a ton of bricks! I thank you. [/quote]

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