Reply to Nonstop fighting at Thanksgiving, how do I make it stop?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - didn't realize I wrote a whole novel. TLDR: Parents are loud, messy hoarders, have no boundaries, don't have much in common with me. In our culture, parents are always right so they aren't going to change. We fight every time we get together.

But, parents sincerely love me and my kids, my kids adore them, I don't want to cut them off. I'm doing my best to take breaks during visits and stay calm, but I eventually get triggered and lash out. Is there anything I can do?[/quote]

You have something to work with-they sincerely love you and your kids! This is good news. Nobody is going to tell you to cut off when there is so much love. You just need boundaries which will not be accepted well, but keep showing the love.

Can you afford to stay in a hotel? If so do that. If they protest say "mom, I love you so much and the kids adore you. We want to keep that love strong and to do that we need our own space too, We don't want to offend you, but this is what we need to keep enjoying you and stop fighting."

Make visits shorter and sweeter.

Have a plan for when she attacks.

Most people are not changeable, but can you jokingly try a code word with mom to tell her when it's too much. Let her come up with it and when you use the code word we need to change subject. She can have one for you too to tell you to shush and change subject so it is mutual!
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