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[quote=Anonymous]Not sure where to ask this question, so I will ask it here. Spouse has a difficult personality, and it is getting worse with age - petulance and not so good at picking their battles come to mind first. We have two grown children, and have been married several decades. Spouse has a penchant for doing some very cruel things, like leaving me behind when we are going to a family event (I was actually in the driveway when this has happened. I took my own car, and I was not late, this is just something spouse does, as an example). Spouse has a lot of anger and issues from childhood that will never go away, since spouse's family is in complete denial and are quite good at acting like nothing ever happened.  On top of that, the same dysfunctional family dynamics come into play when we are with spouse's family.

This issue is this: one of our children has the anxiety and depression that spouse has, so it has been many, many years of not having (random thing here) - not doing anything as a family, not taking even the smallest day trips, (the one or two we have taken spouse manages to throw a tantrum and ruin it - spouse and the kid who hates me bring everything tumbling down so fast, and they feed off each other). But mostly the day to day things - we don't even have dinner together, since spouse had such a bad experience, literally night after night, while growing up.

I feel like much that costs nothing has been completely robbed from me and the other kid (not the one who hates me), and the other kid feels the same.

Have you been through anything like this in your family, and how did you deal with it?  I am willing to pay for a professional to talk to, even though we don't have insurance coverage for that.  I don't make much, but finding the right person to talk to would be well worth it - mostly because I have to decide if I want to grow old alone, or with this train wreck. I have been trying to a decent professional to talk to, but that has proven to be very difficult.

I also feel like my spouse might be jealous of me. This feels weird to type out, and I do not want to get into specifics, but I have seen it more than a few times.  It is especially weird because spouse is the type of person that looks "perfect" on the outside. (IME, the more 'perfect" one seems on the outside, the more messed up they can be on the inside, but I digress.)

The other kid hates me, and spouse does nothing to help the situation. If anything spouse is there to throw gasoline on the fire. It is as if spouse wants me to feel their pain. But it seems so sick to me, instead of wanting to help themselves - and our kid.  I am simply tired. Please be kind.

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