Reply to Does anyone find it difficult to bond with their ILs?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your FIL is probably neurodivergent - the obesity is a consequence of his rigidity. Let him be. And it's perfectly fine not to bond with certain people, OP. Don't force yourself to invite them or visit them just because they're your husband's parents. I bond with my MIL, but not my late FIL, who had bipolar disorder.[/quote]

Possibly? 
They like to come stay with us every 6 ish weeks, and have us come to various family events regularly - so the option of not socializing is not on the table or mil gets very upset [/quote]

PP you replied to. First lesson of the reformed people-pleaser: understand that living your life means displeasing some people. It's fine if your MIL gets very upset. Let her. She needs the socialization, with a husband like that, but you are not her and should not bear her burden. So start by refusing half the invites, and tell her not to come so often. You need to set boundaries.[/quote]

Op - last Christmas I told them to arrive to stay with us at 4p Christmas Eve and mil said they wanted to come earlier. (I specifically said 4 partly bc the kids needed to get out of house and do something at some point and fil doesn’t do things - I didn’t say this but is why). Mil was super annoyed at this boundary and when I asked about it on this site many many people said I was terrible and made ils feel unwelcome by not just saying come whenever you want. So there is a lot of pressure in general/ society to be a much better dil than I really feel able to be. That creates a lot of inner turmoil for me bc tbh I dread their visits, most due to fil [/quote]

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