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[quote=Anonymous]DCUM I need your wise guidance, please

My spouse and I moved bicoastally in 2020 to be closer to family. My son is sensitive and shy but perks up more with family. My spouse has a dad and sister in the area who are very involved with my children. I am close with my dad's two sisters, who also live in the area. One aunt has a daughter (cousin A), and my other aunt has a son (cousin B) Cousin A has a son, and causing B has a daughter; both are close in age to my son. Cousin A, aunt, and nephew live together 3 1/2 hours away, and since moving, we have made an effort to see each other. My son and nephew get along well and share the same sensibilities. It is a joy to see them play. My nephew is very active in sports on weekends, so we are limited to visiting every 2 or 3 months, depending on the weather.

On the other hand, my cousin B, his wife, and my niece used to live 20 minutes away. In the beginning, we attributed not seeing them much due to their Covid precautions. The few times in 2021 my kids saw my niece, they enjoyed playing together, my niece is an only child. When we took her to the pumpkin patch, my niece said she "felt like she was in a dream." My cousin B, his wife, and my niece moved 1 hour away. Whenever we asked to visit, we would hear from my aunt (his mother) that they were too busy with work, house, or just busy. I understood life could be stressful. The few times we could see my niece was when my aunt had her visiting over the weekend. My aunt will tell us to visit my niece on a few occasions niece visited the neighborhood, but not every single time she visited, more like 1 in 6 or 1 in 7, very few.  I've noticed that anytime I text my cousin B and his wife asking to visit or meet up, I would get a response a couple of days later. They have a lot going on. Sometimes, they will not answer. I have never been invited to their home since they moved in March 2021. My cousin A and her son visit them, but my cousin B and his wife don't ask my children to play with my nephew and niece. It could save us a long drive to see my nephew, and we wouldn't intrude on their weekend together, I would be just happy with only them playing for a couple of hours. I would make it easier for everyone. We don't need to be minded. I literally can stay outside while the kids play or take all children to play somewhere.  The last straw for me was my son's birthday this summer; they did not respond to the evite and texted me the day before that they had other things to do. I also know that my niece comes to my neighborhood some weekends for enrichment activities, but they have never stopped by my house to say hi or tell me to meet up. I send them Christmas Cards every year, gifts for my niece, and text on holidays/birthdays, and I barely get a response in text.

It pains me a lot when my children are rejected.  It is clear that my children don't matter to them. I always had a good loving relationship with cousin B (as well as cousin A), so I am surprised at this change in cousin B. I have not spent much time with his wife. If my cousin B and his wife have something against my spouse and me, I am ok with them taking it on me, but not my children. I hoped the kids would build solid familial bonds and memories together. I haven't had the chance to speak about my observations with them because the few times I've seen them are during family gatherings, and I don't feel it is the appropriate time.

To my surprise, we received from cousin B a text with a picture of an invitation to my niece's birthday party from 3pm to 5pm. My son and daughter have other birthday parties with friends and parents I feel much closer to because of how they treat my children! So I will need to leave my niece's birthday party at 4:30 pm, so my spouse and I make it to the other parties. If we go 30 minutes earlier, my cousin B and his wife, my aunt, and possibly other family members may take it as a slight, but I don't feel it is wrong to put others above them as they have done to my children. I also think this time; I won't be able to hold it in anymore and just tell them how inconsiderate they have been to my kids and how this is severely hurting our relationship.

How would you handle it?[/quote]

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