Reply to Advice on relaxing in a high-strung household

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It honestly sounds like they are excited to host you and while they are high-strung, they are doing these things for you.  It probably gives them something to do and look forward to.

I'd tell them we want to do a puzzle and watch a movie XXX day and then I'd maybe find something for the whole family to do another day. You make the plan and set the schedule so it's something you're happy with and it takes the "stress" off of them. Since you eat the same thing, just tell your ILs, if you make the ham, we will bring/make this.  [/quote]

Thank you! This is helpful. Maybe letting them “plan” for at least one or two days of down time will help them. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day especially, and I can blame it on the fact that—rightly—nothing will be open! Perhaps asking them to see if they have any puzzles or Dominoes or whatever around will keep them busy looking for chess sets and setting up a card table or two. Thanks again![/quote]

I agree with the PP and also your thoughts.  It sounds to me like they are so eager for you to come that they want it to be perfect...their questions come to you as anxiety and stress you out when they are simply eager to make you happy.  So when you have been passive and noncommittal it has been interpreted by them as you are unhappy and dislike the plan, which is why your MIL calls back the next day with the new and improved plan.  A little enthusiasm and joint participation may go a long way to resolving this.  Just remember that they want you to be happy.  Their eagerness shows this.  Respond a little in kind as you're suggesting will probably make a big difference.  Good luck!  I hope you turn this dynamic around.  It may not be perfect the first time but you (and they) will learn as you go along![/quote]

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