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[quote=Anonymous]My ILs are kind, warm-hearted and absolutely adore my kids. We take turns rotating holidays with my family and DH’s family, and within that we also take turns hosing holidays. This year, we are headed to ILs for Christmas.

Visiting ILs is always a bit tricky because they are very early risers, go-go-go types and like to “fret” about meals and what the day will hold—and by that I mean they like to pick over plans, make elaborate plans and then scrap them, and start all over again. (I think this is how they just prefer to fill their time, think through every possibility, and they like making plans. That’s totally fine, of course, it can just be a little stressful.) These dynamics are heightened at the holidays.

As my kids are now a bit older, they like sleeping in (always frowned upon—anyone who emerges after 7 a.m. is asked why they slept in, are they sick, “half the day is gone,” etc.) My kids (and DH and I) also like down time around the holidays, since it’s such a nice break from busy schedules with school, work and activities. By that I mean we like to read books and magazines, play games and do puzzles, take an afternoon nap, go for walks, and do little things like drive around and look at Christmas lights, or a baking project.

ILs like to fill every minute of the day, but live in a small time far away from tourist attractions, shops, and museums—it’s fine in the summer, but in winter/holidays, things are usually closed or have weird hours anyway. So they plan, realize they can’t do their plans, fret about it, make calls and frantically search the Internet to find ways to fill the time, when my family is perfectly content to bake cookies, watch a holiday movie, do a puzzle, and go for a walk around the pond.

MIL is already calling to discuss “sleeping arrangements,” even though we sleep in the exact same two rooms in the exact same configuration every time. She’s trying to menu plan but a day after it’s settled on what DH and I will bring, she’s scrapped the whole thing and is talking about elaborate alternate meals, when to be frank it’s usually either ham and sides or beef and sides at her holiday table.

Is there any way I can get out ahead of this, to avoid stress on either side? I do often pass the phone to DH, or leave him to respond to her, so I am trying to disengage from the direct crazy. Anyone had similar dynamics and strategies that worked? [/quote]

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