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[quote=Anonymous]My mother lives alone 2000 miles away and refuses any option that would bring her closer to family or friends. She is very lonely. She is also an unpleasant person who neglected and abused me (physically, emotionally) when I was younger. I say that because it adds complications to the guilt I feel about the current situation.

It is very difficult to have a short phone conversation with my mom. I call once a week, and it’s exhausting because realistically a 30-45 minute call is as much as I can handle because my mom starts repeating stories, criticizing me, or chastising me for never calling her. She does not call me and thinks it’s offensive for parents to have to call their adult children. Around the 30 minute mark, I try to gently let my mom know how much time I have before I have to go to church, make dinner, etc. (she also finds it rude to make calls while walking around, doing a chore, riding in the car, etc). It’s really hard to find time to sit perfectly still and talk to my mom for more than 45 minutes. She thinks the call should end when she has had enough of it and will ignore my pleas and reminders and happily keep me on the phone for 90 minutes-3 hours, essentially until she is hungry, the news is on, or she needs to use the bathroom. If I firmly say I have to go and that I’m going to have to hang up, and goodbye, etc., she will scream and cry and hang up on me first.

This happens frequently and every time it does, I take a week’s break from calling her. And then the cycle begins anew.

I don’t have close cousins or friends with similar distance from family, so I don’t know if I’m just being impatient and this is how a long-distance parent-adult child relationship works once the parent is elderly. How on earth do I manage this?[/quote]

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