Reply to Dealing with your Ex-Spouses New Girlfriend or Boyfriend

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have been divorced from my husband for over a year.  Recently, he started bringing his girlfriend around our kids all the time.  She is watching them when he is unavailable.  And attending high school events as well.  I have no respect for my ex-husband and our marriage did not end on great terms.  We do not co-parent; we parallel parent.

I am trying to get comfortable with a woman being around my children and it is a struggle for me.  I am wondering how others in my situation have dealt with this and whether it made you anxious.  And how did you finally get comfortable with the situation.  While I know my kids adore me and we have a great relationship, I guess there is a slight worry that they may see her as the new shiny penny and me as the boring mom. [/quote]

You sound nasty.  Is it ok you date and not him?  You are divorced, she is "new" so it wasn't an affair.  Grow up and be supportive.  Change your behavior so you both can better co-parent and try to work with him.  You need to be cordial but not friends.[/quote]

NP and you sound nasty PP.  She never said that it wasn't allowed - it is OF COURSE an entirely reasonable feeling and human nature to be uncomfortable about someone you don't know and didn't pick spending so much time around your kids and influencing the way they are raised.  OP - don't fight the feeling (as in don't try to force yourself to not feel this way, no one likes being in this situation)...but work on rising above it with a therapist.  It'll get easier over time most likely assuming the girlfriend isn't an awful person or undermining you.  And if she is an awful person or undermining you, it'll still have paid off to find the behaviors to rise above and have as productive of relationship as possible with her so that you're close the situation.

Also for your worry - they might see her as the new shiny penny, just like they might with the fun aunt / friends mom that seems way cooler / whoever.  But in those situations you know that you still hold the singular place of mom, even if its "boring old mom who enforces the rules and doesn't take us on random shopping sprees" and that trumps all the potential shiny pennies out there [/quote]

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