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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My kid has some social delay and not good at picking up some subtle social cues, but he has been trying hard to improve on these. I want to say, for example  at playground or at an event, how does your social butterfly join a group of random kids (could be same age, younger or older or a mix) to play together ?

My kid (8 year old) does observation and eavesdropping what they are playing or discussing first, find opportunities to get closer and closer, and then sit or stand next to them, and at the end kind of join them or ask to join them at the end. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it does not work. The group are aware of his existence and him getting closer and closer to them.[/quote]

My son is 9. He is a gregarious kid who is a typical social butterfly. With a group of random kids, he will ask to play whatever game they are playing. I notice that he has a good instinct about asking the kid who is second or third in command to the ringleader. He’s not picky about who he will hang out with - younger kids, older kids, girls, sporty, non sporty. We used to live in Manhattan, so he is used to a lot of impromptu play dates with random kids at the park. The other kids at the park were pretty forward about asking to play, so he followed their example.

There was a boy who wanted to join my son’s group at recess last year (second grade). He would watch them and when asked if he wanted to join their game (recess monitors were watching, so the kids know they have to be inclusive), he tried to stand out by criticizing the other kids and getting overly upset when he didn’t win, so it didn’t go well. This year, my son said the boy watches, but when asked to join in, he is nice to everyone and doesn’t complain about unfair play or losing anymore, so they are happy to have him join. The fact that your son is trying to join even though it’s intimidating is very brave.

Does your school have a recess monitor? Can you ask how it’s going and see if they can steer your kid toward groups that would be more accepting? My kid has recess three times a day and it’s a major socialization time for the kids. Some recess monitors just stand around, but others look out for kids who are trying to find friends. Recess can be overwhelming for some kids because it’s a free for all with no designated groups. 
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