Reply to If family didn’t make much effort for you or your family, would you prioritize them less?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A mentor?  No, they aren't going to be that.

Don't travel to them anymore.  You do what's best for your family, and if anyone has a problem with that, too bad.  But you also need to lower your expectations.[/quote]

Is that crazy? I feel like that’s a parents job- to help be there and offer support or emotionally be available for their children. Hey even have kids then? [/quote]

NP. You can WANT that, and I agree that that is a common role for a parent to play in an adult son or daughter’s life. But yes it is crazy to keep expecting it when clearly none of them are like that for you. It’s as crazy as going to a dried-up well every single day expecting water.

Stop visiting them. If they ask, say, “You know, traveling is a big hassle with the kids and we’ve done a lot of it over the years. It’s your turn to travel to us if you want to see us. I can make the effort again after you visit us for once in 10 years.”

If the conversation never turns to you, make the phone call short. If they ask why calls are so short lately, say, “I realized that you never ask about me or the kids, and to be honest that’s hurtful and draining.” [/quote]

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