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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not sure if this is a generational thing, but I have noticed that several older relatives seem to really enjoy talking about the misfortunes of people they barely know. Some examples (from different people) include:

- Talking about a coworker's wife's sister's cancer diagnosis and treatment, and going on in great detail about how it is impacting their young children and finances
- Dinner conversation about how several coworkers' kids are dropping out of college, the extent to which the parents are financing the kids' lifestyles, an entire retrospective on how the kids did in high school, etc.
- Discussion of a news article they saw in the early days of the pandemic where six adult children and one parent in the same family died over the course of one week, and recounting all the details about the family in the article.

I really struggle with these conversations because they feel [b]intrusive, gossipy, and honestly attention-seeking- [/b]and I admit that I have gotten snippy and tried to shut these conversations down. But that is met with accusations of being unsympathetic or unfeeling, even though I feel that the kindest thing to do is *not* talk about people I don't even know and have no way of helping!

Genuinely asking for input/advice on dealing with this behavior. Am I missing something (maybe it is a reflection of their own anxieties that they can't express directly, for example)? What motivates it, how to view it in a more charitable light, how to respond...[/quote]

this is what humans do.  Pass on information about other humans.  Just because they are sharing that Aunt Judy's daughter dropped out of college does not mean that they wish either person ill will.  It is just a fact and passing on information.  What else are we supposed to be talking about?  The Kardashians?  If you don't like the conversation you are free to not partake but, you do not have the right to tell people what they can and cannot discuss.  Just because you feel that they are intrusive gossipy and "attention seeking"  ( how?) does not make that fact.

You are not any better than any one else[/quote]

Then why isn’t it ever positive?[/quote]

HA this is the question. My mom is ALWAYS regaling me with sob stories about former neighbors, people I haven't seen in 20 years, and she doesn't even care that I am clearly bored to death. I think it makes them feel better about their own lives. I got pretty offended when she was telling me ALL about an ex-neighbor's burnout son and she felt the need to comment "I'm so glad I was a SAHM and made sure my kids turned out better" knowing perfectly well that I work.[/quote]

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