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[quote=Anonymous]

You work with an aging care expert and find a situation she can afford out of your house. Even once she is out, you have to figure out your boundaries. You visit enough to feel like you are looking out for her without being full of anger and resentment. You have strategies including an exit plan for when she acts up.

Look my mom doesn't even live with me and I was not actively suicidal, but passively so after enough years of her worsening behavior that she saved mostly for me.  Someone thought our street may be at risk of a sink hole and all I could think was, OK, well if I die in a sink hole I won't have to hear another outburst of insults from her and I hope my kids and husband do too because if I am gone she will make their lives a living hell and target them. That sort of thinking even when I was already in therapy, together with my mounting number of physical symptoms convinced me my current boundaries were not enough.

I stepped back more and I no longer make apologies for that. She refuses assisted living though she can afford it. Her caregiver tries to guilt trip me and I leave. I lose my will to live being around that too often and I am an optimistic person. Also, my body signals when it's too much with heart palpitations, nausea, migraines, stomach sickness, etc. My goal with boundaries is to be able to be on my best behavior when I see her and to still make my own kids and spouse more of a priority. It's also to be in her life without making myself physically and mentally ill.[/quote]

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