Reply to What is a good way to help support an elderly parent financially?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would send a fixed quarterly amount and STAY STRONG.  There's really no solution other than saying no.

Tell your DH you need to save money for later in the parent's life when the need for money will be much greater and 100% genuine.  Start an account for that and deposit monthly.  If he wants to give his parent more, it comes out of that account.[/quote]

OP here. I am DH :)

DW is the sweetest and one of the kindest persons I know. So I do not want to give her a hard time at all.

Her parent has a vicious explosive temperament, saying things like, "you are the worst child ever", "ungrateful", "you just want me to die", etc. whenever he does not get his way. One of the siblings does not want anything to do with the parent because of abuse (not sexual and in a different country) during childhood, which DW confirms has happened. Though "abuse" is not the word she would use.

She has trouble setting boundaries and I just want to help her anyway I can by proposing something like a monthly expense list.

What happens is we send money, parent spends on some frivolous things and then there is a real need for medical expenses and we end up footing that bill as well.[/quote]

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