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[quote=Anonymous]I think what you did was great. I can relate because I had poor parenting models and I'm having to rewrite the script too. Here is where I get some of my models for how I now parent:

- Friends parents, both from growing up and then now. This is part of how I figured out that my family was dysfunctional, by observing other people's families and noticing that they seemed to like each other and support each other, instead of being constantly rude and sarcastic and undermining of one another all the time. I will sometimes channel specific parents I knew growing up, especially one friend's mom who was also a teacher at my high school, so I got to know her more than one way. I'll think of how those parents might respond to their kids or offer support and love to their kids.

- Read lots of parenting books. I read them all. I don't take every single piece of advice but I find that just reading these books and thinking about what they are saying helps me to feel more confident in my approach. The two I've found most helpful are [i]How to Talk so Kids Will Listen... And Listen so Kids Will Talk[/I] (this book is the best, I think you will like it a lot because it will make total sense based on your own childhood experience -- it will explain clearly WHY you didn't feel supported or encouraged by your mom and give you ideas for how to change that pattern), and, weirdly, [i]The Danish Way of Parenting[/i]. The latter book is a really quick read and not super specific. I'm not Danish and got this book for free for a little free library but it wound up being great. I actually like that it's not super detailed. It just talks more generally about how Danish parents approach communication and creating a supportive, comforting environment for kids. Like it's harder for me to say what specific thing from this book resonated, it's more like I read it and thought "yeah, that's my general parenting philosophy." It made me feel more confident in what I was already doing by presenting it as a unified idea.

I know it's hard sometimes. I have moments when I feel pretty adrift too, because most of my memories of my childhood are sad or stressful, and as you parent your child over the years, it becomes really depressing to realize how poorly you were parented. But when this happens, I remind myself that I'm a chain breaker and that I'm giving my daughter a gift she can carry with her the rest of her life. I'm sure I'm not perfect and I'm sure there's stuff I'm messing up and she'll remember later with sadness. But I also know for sure that she'll remember how much I love her, how I cheered her on and supported her, how I clearly wanted her to be her own person and was willing to support the person she chose to be. No matter what, she'll have some good memories to look back on that might serve as a positive model in her own parenting, if she chooses to become a parent, one day. And that's already a huge victory.[/quote]

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