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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’d call adult protective services. They know the options and how to find services. [/quote]

That will open a whole can of worms and possibly make situation even more complicated.[/quote]

OP here. This is what I am afraid of. He is clearly not all there, mentally. He has lived without electricity for years, unable to pay the bill. His apartment is a disaster zone with 35+ years of hoarding. When his mother, my grandmother was alive, she would keep it at bay but since she died, it has gotten so much worse. Maybe not as bad as the TV show but it's plenty bad. I'm pretty sure he's drinking, too.

Also there's a cultural dynamic where he believes that him ending up unable to support himself and potentially homeless reflects poorly on me. He is subtlety (sometimes not so subtle) saying I am a bad daughter. In our culture, elderly parents are taken care of by the children. None of my siblings will help. I have been doing it alone my whole adult life and I've poured probably 100,000 into helping him over the years. I am not wealthy and now that I have children I feel torn. [/quote]

OP, I'm so sorry. What a terrible strain for you. I know it's easier said than done, but you should not feel torn. Unlike some Americans, I am a proponent of helping parents as much as possible when we can, but this cannot be at the expense of your kids. We have a duty to parents but a higher duty to our children. Before you mentioned all of his problems, I wondered if he could combine his SS with your money and you all could live together, since you want to leave your husband, but it doesn't sound like living with him is feasible, even if you had room and money to do so. I agree with the others that you should limit your role to helping him find resources. It's terrible to say, but if he has a medical event that leads him to be admitted to the hospital, he may be better off because they will have to discharge him into a safe environment. I'm so sorry, OP. [/quote]

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