Reply to friend question--how best to extricate myself from a friendship

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm friends with a girl who I have great chemistry with.  We can sit and talk about nothing or very intimate things.  We share a number of casual friends but by in large we function in different worlds.  She's a social climber and is always meeting new people (mostly of the wealthy, Southern, quilted jacket set).  I am fine with this except that when we're both around this set she'll pretty much ignores me or acts very superficial around me (treats me like a very casual acquaintance).  She's also hard to pin down for social things---infrequently answers my calls, etc.  However, then she'll pop back into the picture and we'll have a lovely time and will really connect.  I know she counts me as one of her closer (if not closest) friends because she's said as much on numerous times.  However, I very much feel like her mistress and not her wife.  Good enough to to be real with but only on her timeline and when she's not chasing a myriad of other superficial friendships.  And yes, I get it---"[i]she's probably just not that into me[/i]".  I get this but it's SO annoying that it's contrasted with her being really intimate and warm (as long as it's on her timeline).

So as much as I enjoy her company I've had it with the friendship.  It's not a relationship that makes me feel good about myself.  I have 4-5 other good local friendships that are just SO much easier.  I talk to some of these weekly, some twice a week, some monthly.  [b]So I am totally comfortable with all kids of levels of correspondence in close friendships.  [/b]It's just that this one friend makes me feel so much like a mistress. Frankly I get hurt and I don't need to feel like this.  Some people might be totally fine with this.  I'm not and I don't think it makes me a bad person.  I mean, who wants to be ignored in public by a "good" friend?

My question is--do I let her know how I feel?  [b]I don't want to come off as needy or unhinged[/b].  I just want the friendship to drift away.  [b]However, I am hurt.[/b]  I have a hard time just leaving without saying why.  Do I just make start to makes excuses (being busy, etc) when she next decides to pop up and call?  [b]And what the heck drives this "have to know everyone and have 15 million superficial "kiss-kiss" friends? [/b] It seems SO common in NW DC.  I usually side step this culture entirely but I unfortunately got myself mixed up in it with this girl.

[/quote]

Several of your statements above are contradictory,  it doesn't sound to me like you particularly like this friend, I'm not sure exactly how your connection came to be. [/quote]

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