Reply to friend question--how best to extricate myself from a friendship

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm friends with a girl who I have great chemistry with.  We can sit and talk about nothing or very intimate things.  We share a number of casual friends but by in large we function in different worlds.  She's a social climber and is always meeting new people (mostly of the wealthy, Southern, quilted jacket set).  I am fine with this except that when we're both around this set she'll pretty much ignores me or acts very superficial around me (treats me like a very casual acquaintance).  She's also hard to pin down for social things---infrequently answers my calls, etc.  However, then she'll pop back into the picture and we'll have a lovely time and will really connect.  I know she counts me as one of her closer (if not closest) friends because she's said as much on numerous times.  However, I very much feel like her mistress and not her wife.  Good enough to to be real with but only on her timeline and when she's not chasing a myriad of other superficial friendships.  And yes, I get it---"[i]she's probably just not that into me[/i]".  I get this but it's SO annoying that it's contrasted with her being really intimate and warm (as long as it's on her timeline).

So as much as I enjoy her company I've had it with the friendship.  It's not a relationship that makes me feel good about myself.  I have 4-5 other good local friendships that are just SO much easier.  I talk to some of these weekly, some twice a week, some monthly.  So I am totally comfortable with all kids of levels of correspondence in close friendships.  It's just that this one friend makes me feel so much like a mistress. Frankly I get hurt and I don't need to feel like this.  Some people might be totally fine with this.  I'm not and I don't think it makes me a bad person.  I mean, who wants to be ignored in public by a "good" friend?

My question is--do I let her know how I feel?  I don't want to come off as needy or unhinged.  I just want the friendship to drift away.  However, I am hurt.  I have a hard time just leaving without saying why.  Do I just make start to makes excuses (being busy, etc) when she next decides to pop up and call?  And what the heck drives this "have to know everyone and have 15 million superficial "kiss-kiss" friends?  It seems SO common in NW DC.  I usually side step this culture entirely but I unfortunately got myself mixed up in it with this girl.

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