Reply to How involved are your parents and in laws in your child(ren)’s life?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My FIL lives with us so he is very involved in our kids' lives and it has been an absolute blessing to us all.  He has dementia now and is almost completely out of it but the years we had with him were worth it (even though he wasn't an angel and we weren't angels, either).  My parents live about 15 minutes away.  They think nothing about swinging by if they are out an about and just come on in through the family door.  My mom will scoot through to the laundry room and start a load / fold what's in the dryer while my dad just heads on in to wherever my husband or the kids are.  Love it.  Again, none of us is perfect but we've found a way to agree to disagree and to let you do you while I do me.  Our kids have benefited tremendously.  It is very common to have all 3 of the grandparents at a game or activity.  If only my husband or I show up, we are immediately asked by fellow parents about whether the kids' grandparents are coming or not!  Both my mom and dad have their favorites with the other parents and will peel off to go chat.  [/quote]

Op here. I love this.[/quote]

Thanks.  It hasn't been a cake walk but it sure has paid off.  IMO you have to be able to swallow some quick retorts and to accept someone else's truth even when it defies all logic.  If you can't do that, then you'll be miserable.  But if you can do it without losing your stuff and if you're a pretty secure and self-confident person, then it will be alright.  I know that my parents and my FIL are coming at everything filled with love for me and our family.  I may not like everything they do or say but I love them for being there for us.  When our backs are against the wall, my parents and my FIL are standing with us shoulder to shoulder no matter what.  And it makes my day when one of them looks at me or my husband and tells us what a good job we have done with our kids.  I have literally cried because I know that we couldn't have done it without their help.  They always have our backs.

Because of the relationship with our parents, our kids know that they always have someone who is willing to make cookies with them or play bball with them or play Chutes and Ladders with them when mommy and daddy are busy.  Likewise, our college kids think nothing about calling Pop Pop as they're walking back to the dorm and it is midnight and they want someone to talk to and to be aware of where they are and what they're doing.

Also, just be aware that you will have to be able to put up with a lot of fawning from other parents.  Some of it is genuine and some of it is snarky.  You figure out pretty quickly which is which.[/quote]

Op here. So part of my reason for posting this… we have a similar (but maybe not to this extent) relationship with one set of grandparents. They are super involved, can’t get enough time with DD, will come to the most mundane things just to see her, always ask to see her, have her spend the night, call her, etc.

The other set makes very little effort, never spend one on one time with DD, very rarely come to her activities (despite saying they want to come and being invited). They complain they never see her but make no effort, so it’s baffling. Both sets are local.

We don’t need or ask for help from either set. We have a great childcare network in place. Just saying this to squash any “I raised my kids, you raise yours” comments. I truly just want DD to have a great relationship with both sets.

All of this to say that DD is starting to notice the difference and is getting upset about it at times and starting to ask questions. I acknowledge her feelings but am not sure if her expectations are high because one set is so involved or if the other set really is just kind of absent. I didn’t have involved grandparents growing up so I have no frame of reference. [/quote]

You just have to tell your dd that everyone is different but that does not mean uninvolved grandparents don't love her. Is it your parents that are super involved or inlaws?[/quote]

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