Reply to 6th grade DD is being excluded from social events with longtime friends

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[quote=Anonymous]DD is in 6th grade and has been attending her current PK-12 since Kindergarten.  She has always had a strong group of friends with whom she participates in sports teams and other activities.  DH and I have become friends with many of the parents over the years.  This fall, on multiple occasions, DD has not been invited to playdates, sleepovers, parties, etc.  The group attending these events tends to be somewhat amorphous -- a portion of the group will be invited, in most cases -- but DD is never one of the kids included.   She has reported some horrible behavior from one girl who is a leader and has often been quite mean over the years (when she's not being super, super nice.). DD also reports that another close friend, who has always been a very low drama kid, now ignores DD at lunch, doesn't invite her over when she's hosting groups, and pointedly excludes DD from activities (as in, DD is not allowed to join even when she directly asks.)

It's heartbreaking and confusing for DD.  She has tried to approach the formerly low-drama friend to understand what is going on, but the friend just says, "Everything is fine" and walks away.  We have invited some of these girls over for playdates or sleepovers a few times, and they always decline.

I'm trying not to make this about me, but I'm also super annoyed at the parents (my friends!) for not being more sensitive about this.  After one school event, DD watched as 6 of her best friends climbed into a car for a sleepover.  She cried for hours.  When I've casually approached a few of the parents about DD having issues this year with being excluded, they said, "Oh, I had no idea!" and then nothing changes.  I hesitate pushing more  -- what is the answer?  They force their DDs to invite my DD to things?  That would likely make things worse.

How do I help her navigate this?  I understand the occasional mean behavior in middle school, but it seems like DD is getting the total freeze out from a group she has been close to since she was 5.  We talk about her finding friends that make her feel good about herself, but it's easier said than done to find a whole new group of friends.  This is especially true when she is involved in after school activities with many of them.

Appreciate any advice.

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