Reply to How to deal with intense negativity from older widowed mother

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[quote=Anonymous]My mother-in-law was bipolar. If this is the case with your mom, it isn't "most of her life". She's mentally ill. The behavior and comments are irrational. You have to try to depersonalize it.  It's very hard to do because this is your mother and we all listen to our moms.

Her lack of a filter means that she can't make any friends. Bipolar people are like this early in life also - they alienate people.

My DH was an only child and had to learn to depersonalize his interactions.  Things were much better when he stuck to certain topics, ignored certain comments completely and changed the subject. He also would not visit for more than an hour.

If there is something that she likes to do, spend time doing that with her. My m-i-l liked to listen to music, so my husband would come with a play list and run it for 20 minutes while he tidied up things or did her laundry for her.

Hopefully the staff know she is bipolar so they probably should ignore her remarks.  The only problem is that if there is something more serious that they don't ignore it.  We had that happen which ended up cascading into a hospital stay for my m-i-l. So if there is a social worker at the assisted living, please meet with them so they learn what is "usual" and call you when it isn't. All the best. It's tough. [/quote]

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