Reply to How to deal with intense negativity from older widowed mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Mother is nearly 80, lives independently in senior housing, widowed 13 years ago.  Two adult children includes me, and I am the local AC. Sibling lived across the country.  She has always been very, very negative even as a young woman.  But it's gotten way worse.  She has no friends, alienates people, and is also snobby.  I am her only social outlet.  She is reserved and unfriendly and has no filter.  It's hard to deal with BC I evhad a lifetime of it and it's getting worse. [b] Every single week, there is always something terrible that happened that week, even if it involved her being on hold for an extended period of time with say the bank. [/b] [b]When I share pix of say a family member with friends, she starts critiquing their clothes and makes comments about young women dressing like whores etc. [/b] It is horrifying how judgemental she is.  By the way if she sees someone in a pic in skinny jeans and a tank top, they must be a whore or a s@£# or god forbid a lesbian.  I dress quite conservatively but as a middle aged person she critiques me too and wants me to essentially wear long long skirts below my calves BC god forbid you see any portion of my knees BC that's too risque.  I don't understand. My son has tattoos (he's military) and whenever he sees her a couple times a year he always wears long sleeves BC he doesn't want to deal with the negativity.  It shouldn't be like that.  I've asked her why she's so judgemental and she truly does not think she is, and considers herself open minded.  I have natural shortish nails and wore a cherry red nail polish once and she made a face and tolde women if a certain type (prostitutes) only wear red.  This might all sound petty but I've had a lifetime of this and I thought people mellow with age, but she hasn't.  She had a somewhat typical conservative Catholic upbringing in the 1950s and 60s but would go on Vietnam protest marches back in the day.  She wasn't a hippie though.  I feel like I'm going mad.  How do I cope?[/quote]
OP, your mom is old, crotchety, and bored.  This is what she spends her mental energy on these days.  I'm sure that it drives you bonkers, but she isn't going to change.  The way you react to it can, though.  Does it not make you smile a teeny bit when she gives a completely predictable outrage response to something?  You haven't turned it into a game yet?  When one of the seniors in my family says something out of touch, or slightly racist, or cranky/crotchety, it just makes me chuckle.  And keep wearing red nail polish, you saucy minx![/quote]

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