Reply to Academic Decline and Depression - Strategies for Balancing?

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Reply to "Academic Decline and Depression - Strategies for Balancing?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm seeking help changing my mindset about academic expectations. DD, 15, is bright and very capable, but has never been an academic superstar. That's fine. But, she also gets frustrated that she doesn't do better in school - yet it appears to me that she doesn't do a whole lot to change the situation.

That's where the dilemma arises. She has pretty extreme anxiety and, for essentially two years now, depression. We are working on that and she has good support.

If we push, she feels pressure. And it doesn't translate into improvements in grades. In fact, it can backfire.

She honestly seems unable to study for and/or take tests. She will NOT let us help. But it also appears she does not do the work require to do okay. Then she feels demoralized because she did badly. I learned long ago that pointing out that studying would have helped only leads to arguing. She feels badly enough already. Rinse repeat. I know some will say "tutors!" - but it's a "you can lead a horse to water" situation. She's not willing.

I know depression impacts her ability to focus. And I'm sympathetic. But I also know that she's closing doors of opportunity as the years go by. She is going to regret not putting in more effort, or at least regret not being able to put in more effort. But if we push her, her mental health suffers even more (low self-esteem).

How do we balance preserving her mental health now, while also setting her up for success in the future? It seems a no-win situation to me. I can't figure out how to communicate that grades are not the most important thing, but that they are important, because in reality, they are.

Thank you for advice from anyone who has been in this situation.
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