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[quote=Anonymous]My SIL is in her late 40s-- never married, never moved away from her hometown, and doesn't have much going on in the way of hobbies or a wide group of friends. As a result, she has insisted on visiting us a lot. Her vacations are spent on our sofabed. We've been very welcoming and value the fact that she likes to see our kids, but it's gotten to be too much. Both DH and I are starting to get tired of this arrangement. She's become very entitled, already insisting that she's going to somehow spend both Thanksgiving and Christmas with us this year. She was upset when we said we're going to do something else-- go a friend's house for one of the holidays and take a family trip-- just us-- for the other. She's having a lot of problems with this and even went so far as to complain to DH's parents that we're cutting her out. His parents always take her side-- I think she's forever 12 in their eyes. I think they still pay for a lot of stuff for her-- her downpayment on a new condo, grad school, even her plane tickets to see us.

I feel bad for her sometimes because, of course, life is changing. Our kids are getting older and spending more time with their friends. We've been teleworking a lot, too, and she doesn't seem to understand that we really don't need a third person parked in our little house all day when she visits. She has money for a hotel-- plenty of it-- but just doesn't want to spend it. It occurred to DH and I recently that we've never even actually invited her over once-- she's never given us a chance to extend an invitation. It's always been "I want to visit you next month, I'm booking for XX days. OK?"

We're not going to tell her to find hobbies, move to a new city, or find a partner. It seems to be well beyond that. Dating never worked out and every person she went on dates with was never quite right, based on what she's said. Still, it's become clear to us that our family is now her easy default for all of her needs. Any suggestions for how to handle this better? We don't want to hurt her, but we're not responsible for her personal life. [/quote]

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