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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Resources for clothes, shoes and hair seems materialistic.  Why don’t you ask them about their goals,hopes and dreams instead?[/quote]

Yes, their hopes, dreams and goals are the most I think about. I was just trying to give an example.[b] I wasn’t even saying that I pay for the materialistic things, just in my mind their dreams are more important than mine[/b] (as is them looking nice compared to my desire to not look frumpy myself) and I was looking for advice. My kids are very independent, successful and exceptionally driven- wasn’t the point of post to brag about kids. But in typical narcissistic DCUM this has turned “what a great parent I am and not you.” I’m out. Thanks for the few that offered constructive feedback about my midlife feeling but too many b***** here for me. [/quote]

I think what confused people was that you contrasted caring about what you looked like "for a family event" with making sure "they have resources to look like they want to--(clothes, shoes, nails, hair etc.)."
For some reason people interpreted that as you redirecting material resources to your children.

[quote=Anonymous]I am not unhappy but wondering if others experience the same thing. My kids are in college (one almost done) and it seems to me that their lives are more important than mine (from my perspective).[b] It matter more where they want to go on vacation, eat, activities etc.[/b] They don’t demand it I just realized like [b]I don’t care what I look like for a family event but want to make sure they have resources to look like they want to—(clothes, shoes, nails, hair etc.) [/b]It matters to me. I think about my life and had a very exciting career and my mother always wanted to hear every detail. It just occurred to me that this is the pattern of life. Am I pathetic or is this normal?  I am not sad about it and my kids seem grateful I just am not sure how to keep what I do relevant in my own life if it doesn’t revolve around my children’s adult life. [/quote][/quote]

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