Reply to Lingering guilt

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[quote=Anonymous]You sound like a very solid/compassionate person. Your grandmother undoubtedly loved you very much and was grateful to have SOMEONE in her corner in the final, difficult years of her life.

Your reporting of her complaints was being her advocate. You cannot fix an entire broken system. You are not a nursing home regulator.

I also feel somewhat guilty that I did not visit my mother more often when she was bedridden and being cared for by a somewhat cold (though not abusive) paid aide. 
At the time, I was working full time, parenting a young child by myself and lived five hours away.

I think you have to cut your young self much slack. You did the best you could, given your limitations (of all kinds) at the time.

You are probably so empathetic, that it hurts you that you could not alleviate your loved one's suffering in the last years of her life. That feeling comes from your love and compassion. Those are traits she undoubtedly saw and loved about you. She would want you to be happy and free...not haunted.

The past is gone. You are still healthy and should use your life to make a difference or contribution. To take your MANY admirable traits and change the world (in some way that is meaningful to you). It is not too late, unless you let the past contaminate the future.

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