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[quote=Anonymous]  I agree this is admirable, but read on...

A friend of mine married into a family that goes to someone who specializes is multi-generational issues with families of divorce. Whenever issues came up they all went back to therapy and they were used to this from childhood and it helped. This woman is in a different area, but she is known as an expert.

Here's where I get negative. There are some therapists out there who to make a buck will say "sure I have expetise in that area" and IMO bad therapy can do more harm than good. It's hard to juggle the dynamics with a big group and to make everyone feel heard.

We tried couples therapy to deal with in-laws issues a while back and the woman stank. She took sides, didn't listen, but tooted her own horm a lot. Luckily we found someone else who understood and had experience with couples who face the unique stressors we faced. This is hard to find and it can be very expensive trying to find "the one."

Also, are they motivated to change things? If your brother and his wife prefer the status quo, or they have enough stress in their lives that therapy would be a huge PITA, it's not going to help. Does your dad want this? You can't drag people into therapy kicking and screaming there has to be a strong desire from all parties.

Another thing to consider..are trying to create something that will never be? My SIL wants to have a close knit family and she has tried all sorts of therapy-couples, mom-daughter, individual, etc to have it. She would probably love to drag us all there. The thing is my MIL has a personality disorder and no desire to ever change. She has endless cut offs and her current marriage is failing. The emotional abuse she hurls is so painful that it's easier to see her only occasionally. The FIL has always lived in denial and now he is poor health so why lift the denial and risk throwing him over the edge? His wife would not want to deal. There are some situations that are so toxic or so damaged that sometimes I think it's best to take baby steps and just change your reactions rather than bring the whole circus in and hope for big changes.[/quote]

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