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[quote=Anonymous]My grandmother more or less raised me and was a second mother to me. My mother was an only child and as she and my grandmother did not get along, I was my grandmother's POA in her later years. At one point in her life her physical health deteriorated and she went into a nursing home as she needed more care than the family could provide. At the time I was a young adult and not at a point in life to take her in. Given her many health issues it wasn't expected she would live very long however that turned out to not be the case. While she always complained about the care, things seemed okay until she had a stroke and lost much of her independence and some of her speech and needed a great deal more care. She also became very depressed. She told me many times that they were not treating her well and she was always so sad. I wasn't really able to move her to a different location for a variety of reasons and so I did what I could to make life as good as possible while she was there. I also reported and complained when she would tell me something was wrong. However right before her death, I actually witnessed two events that made my heart drop as it pretty much confirmed that they had been abusing her or at least treating her very roughly and without dignity. She desperately didn't want to die there but I failed her on that as well.

She was such a vibrant woman throughout her life and I hate that at the point where she became vulnerable, I let her down and let her be mistreated and die in a place she hated. I am not sure how to get over the guilt. I saw a therapist to try and work through it but found her very unhelpful. It has been years now since she died and I still get waves of guilt and shame and sadness for her over what she endured and my role in that. I wish I could talk about her and remember all the good times but I can't as every memory is tarnished by guilt and the pain of having let her down.

Anyone else have guilt about decision made about vulnerable parents and how do you deal with it?[/quote]

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