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[quote=Anonymous]My mom is 80 and lives in one of those independent living apartment buildings.  She’s been a smoker longer than I’ve been alive and she knew moving in that smoking was prohibited not just in the building but on the grounds.  They turn a blind eye to people smoking in the parking lot and that’s where she’s been taking her cigarette breaks.  I caught evidence of her smoking on her balcony a few months ago and we had a talk (god I hate being the parent to my parent).  But about two weeks ago I walked into her apartment and could smell that she’d been smoking in it.  She had closed her laundry room door and as soon as I got close it was apparent.  I lost it and had a 15 minute conversation with her about the dangers and how she’s liable to burn the place down and how if she was caught she’d have to move again because they wouldn’t let her stay.  I’ve moved her three times in four years but this is where she is supposed to be for the duration.

I thought I’d gotten through to her but a few days ago (the next time I visited) I could smell smoke again.  She denied and denied and said someone was probably in the storage room next to her apartment smoking and she continued to deny it I went to use her bathroom and saw ashes in her shower.  Once confronted with evidence she admitted it.

I don’t know what to do.  She has some cognitive decline and I’m terrified she’s going to burn the place to the ground.  We talked again at length (I was PISSED) and she purports to understand the seriousness but she’s also a selfish a-hole most of the time so who knows.  I told her next time I catch her smoking in the apartment I’m going to use her money to buy her a house somewhere for her to smoke to her hearts content but not put anyone else at risk, hire someone to cook her meals and be done with it.  Because I don’t want her putting others at risk.

Has anyone dealt with anything similar?  I’m at my wits end with this woman.[/quote]

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