Reply to another death in my family. feeling incapable, naive, and wondering who i am.

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[quote=Anonymous]Four family members in my small family have passed away in as many years - my grandfather this weekend. I am sad and grieve his passing, but also feel residual pain from each previous passing. I am beginning to become numb over each loss of my family, my family's history, stories, familiar expressions, mannerisms, you name it.
I have begun taking along my video or audio recorder to family event because I never know if that is the last time we will hear a story told or get everyone together.
After my aunt goes, my cousins and I will be the matriarchs and patriarchs of the family. None of us are above 40. I feel like I put all of my eggs in my aunt's basket, because she's all that's left. After that, I just can't imagine being someone that others look up to, as I did with my grandmother, mother, etc.
With each loss, I am more sad about the loss of people around me that can provide context for my upbringing, and ultimately, my life. I find myself feeling so unsure of myself and feel weight in my shoulders, and one day have no elder trusted family member to ask advice, tell me about my childhood. As it is, my children could look like I did as a child, for all I know - there isn't anyone living who can tell me that.
I never imagined so much of my future would be wrapped in someone's passing, until I lost so many in such a short time.

Thanks for the vent.
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