Reply to If you’re a mommy martyr, what’s behind it?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I first heard this term on dcum and it definitely applies to me. I’m a sahm with no help (but a great dh) and I always put my kids’ needs ahead of mine, without exception. It usually doesn’t occur to me to consider another option. I take great joy in them, love most parts of parenting and am not depressed, but am burned out and ground down. Feels like I’ve been running on empty for years. I can’t bring myself to do CIO, rarely turn to screens and funnel what money we have into enrichment. I see real benefits from all of this for my family [b]but my personal physical and emotional health keeps getting worse. [/b]I do take baths and have coffee with friends now and then but no extras or anything that requires a babysitter.

Lately I’ve tried to really look at what is behind this. It’s not performative– –I’m not on social media and no one asks or cares about my specific parenting choices. I’m not trying to meet some societal or cultural standard. What I’ve come up with is that I’m scared of a slippery slope. That if I start, say, prioritizing exercise, then soon it’s massage and acupuncture appointments, and then PT and therapy. And then it’s girls nights and then trips… and then suddenly it’s a significant amount of time away from kids and $ that should be set aside for their future. I crave all of this stuff so much I don’t want to start down the path and give myself a “taste”.

Can anyone relate? I feel like the amount of self care I would ideally need is just out of the realm of possibility logistically and financially so why bother. 
[/quote]

The bolded is a problem OP.

You need to put your oxygen mask on in order to be a good parent. Getting exercise is a good place to start, especially if you can exercise outdoors. If you need to hear it in the language of good motherhood— your children deserve an emotionally and physically healthy mother.

But I encourage you to look at it from more than just the perspective of a good parent. You, the individual, deserve to be physically and emotionally healthy. You didn’t lose that right by having children.[/quote]

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