Reply to ADHD in husband not found by neurologist/psychiatrist?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "ADHD in husband not found by neurologist/psychiatrist?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]DH and I have had many problems over the years. I came on DCUM and described my issues. I had thought dementia. The consensus on DCUM, however, was ADHD. He went to a neurologist and a specialist.

We were told that he does not have either. At most, he processes information slower than normal but there is no medication and no way to help except for him to do mind games (crosswords, etc) to exercise his mind.

We've tried it but it's just getting worse.

As an example, I was in the hospital recently for some serious abdominal pain. I had to wait for 3 hours to be seen and told him. While he was at work, I understood him not visiting. But hours after he was no longer at work, instead of him coming to visit I get a text message that he has made plans with his male friends to go get beers for a guys night (he emphasized that it is guys only as if to signal that I wasn't included even though I was at the hospital and couldn't go).

I ignored the message. Hours later, I get another text asking why I hadn't updated him. I told him that he obviously wanted drinks with the boys instead of visiting me so he didn't seem to want an update. He was clearly confused, and after 30 minutes of me explaining that a normal husband would have visited, he rushed over and finally visited, which I obviously didn't want at that point. But he was confused and bewildered at his own behavior, clearly upset with guilt and shame that he didn't visit. When we were dating, I remember him saying that a girlfriend didn't visit him when he was in the ER once with simple dehydration and he knew that she wasn't the one. I know this is his values.

So again, I feel like it's ADHD or dementia and our marriage could be saved with a correct diagnosis. But what's the chance of both a neurologist (for dementia) and a psychiatrist for the ADHD (who did a full analysis) being wrong?

But how can I be married to a guy who has treated me this badly? Our 16-year old DD wants me to divorce him too. She's sick of the way he treats me (she wasn't home when I went to the hospital because she was with friends but shocked that he didn't even visit me, let alone went out to beers). She's also sick of the way he treats her. He "forgets" things that he's not supposed to share (like her crush's name), forgets to pick her up, and just treats her the way he treats me.

Looking back, I would say that he's always been like this but that it's gotten worse and worse over the years. In the beginning, he was still out-of-sight, out-of-mind but I cannot imagine it being to this extreme where his family member is in the ER with potential appendicitis and he makes plans to go out for beers and seems to completely forget that he is texting that same family member to tell them. It's completely thoughtless.

But maybe he has always been this bad. Maybe it's narcissism but that had been ruled out by our marriage counselor. But maybe he hid it.

Our DD is grown up. If divorce is the answer, which I think it may be, even with any of the 3 As, now is the time for our family. I cannot live like this anymore.

I have thought of the consequences -- losing mutual friends, mutual "places," money, "companionship", and I'm okay with it. I cannot be married to someone who goes out to beers when I'm in the ER. It's completely absurd. And I don't want our DD to think that's the type of marriage she should be in either.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics