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[quote=Anonymous]My fraternal twins from DE are 11.  I rarely think about the DE aspect at all any more. Sometimes my daughter will bring it up, as she is fascinated by knowing that she has genetic half-siblings out there and frustrated that she has to wait until she's 18 to find out more. (The donor was open to being contacted.)  It startles me sometimes when she brings it up but it's always good to have the next level conversation with them. (What might it feel like to meet a genetic half-sibling, versus your full sibling, what might it feel like to meet the donor? What makes a mother? Easy stuff like that!! Oy.)

Those discussions can be hard for me but I never let them see that. I want them only to hear about how thrilled we were that they were possible, how grateful we are to the donor, etc... It's really important to me that they hear and know nothing of my sadness or shame - at least not for another 10+ years.

Anyway, I love my children dearly. They have been spared some stuff in not having my family's genetics. I will always be a little sad that we needed to use DE. I can't imagine them not existing so wishing away the DE would mean wishing them away. They have TONS of my mannerisms and beliefs. I can see them a little more clearly as individuals because I'm less prone to assuming they're "just like me". And so on...

It remains a complex subject, but in the context of all that's involved in building a family the DE piece is less and less important over time.

That said, I started telling them and talking about it VERY early on, long before they could understand, so that I got used to talking about it comfortably. It wasn't easy in the beginning. It's much easier now, and I'm very very glad I made myself do it that way. If it were hanging over my head as a secret now I'd really be tormented.

There's no end to the more nuanced emotions![/quote]

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