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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]1) Proximity is the most important. It’s so much harder for you to help or track how he’s progressing in the illness if you’re far away 
2) get organized. You need to know all about his finances and healthcare so you can manage it all once he’s no longer able to. 
3) clean out the house (no clutter or extraneous items, go through all paperwork and organize it/shred what’s not needed), make sure his living environment is set up well for him to manage basic everyday tasks independently for as long as possible. W this I’m mostly talking simple tasks. For example, my relative w dementia needs to always have her toothbrush/paste in the same place right next to the sink or she won’t brush her teeth. Easy to do but if you think about all the little tasks like this that you do every day it adds up. Have “systems” in place that streamline things: auto pay for bills, etc
4) have him write down things he wants to remember and or things he’d like his children/grandchildren to know about him…his life stories and special memories. Also YOU write down your favorite stories and memories of him as well. For me, once my relative had dementia, caring for her became so consuming that it was increasingly hard even for me (who didn’t have memory loss issues) to remember what she was like before. Make voice recordings of him talking so you can remember his voice. Take pictures and videos. Have him write letters to anyone he wants to communicate w (friends, relatives) that you could send them at some point once your dad is no longer able to communicate w people. I wish so much we had done this but we had no idea that our relative was likely to get dementia.
5) make new memories together now while you can. Go on trips, go on fun outings, talk about relatives, talk about his childhood memories and your own. Share good meals together. Watch your favorite movies and listen to your favorite music together.

I sincerely hope your dad doesn’t get dementia and that you don’t need any of this advice. But it’s good you’re preparing as best you can just in case.

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Oh and very important also: make sure you have all the legal stuff (POA and MPOA, his will, etc) worked out in advance. get to know his doctors and let them know your concerns so they know to watch for any changes too. Get to know some social workers who help w adults w dementia in your area, see if there’s a senior center for dementia support issues nearby and what activities they provide. Ask your dad what his wishes are for end of life stuff and how he’d like his memorial service to be. Tough conversations to have of course but necessary.

Good luck.[/quote]

One downfall to proximity that I have lived-it's great the first few years when you want to be there as much as you can and you still feel some warmth. If the person descending into a firy ball of anger and abuse and you feel it's time for memory care, the siblings from afar may downplay, gaslight, guilt trip and be unable to comprehend why you can't just check in as the person ages in place with sometimes unreliable caregivers. It can really blow up a family and lead to permanent breaks. I pray this will not be your situation, but when you have enough years of a parent being abusive the love can erode. When the parent is properly placed it's easier to prep yourself, put on a smile, use strategies and then leave. It's a lot harder when you are dealing with caregiver no show issues and an array of other things.

Sorry to be a Debbie Downer. I have friends who's parents became even sweeter and more childlike with dementia so it was much easier to want to be there as much as possible. If that isn't how people tend to age in your family I would be prepared and get siblings on board with plan of action.[/quote]

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