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[quote=Anonymous]This is one of the major sources of tension in my marriage, OP.

My spouse has a very authoritarian and tone-deaf method of parenting. It raises my hackles, because it should be obvious to any observer that his method immediately antagonizes his kids; and escalates what would have been a moment to explain and persuade, or perhaps lecture, into an all-out screaming match with kids who feel deeply disrespected.

We've talked about it many times, but he can't see that it does  more harm than good. For him it's a need for control: he thinks his kids must obey and defer. It's the unpleasant side of his personality.

I always defend my kids when he goes too far, which infuriates him. I am accused of sabotaging his efforts, and his relationship with his kids - when he does that all by his little own self. I don't think we will ever resolve this, and it makes our marriage difficult.

The weirdest part is that he sees me using more reasonable, authoritative parenting, along with persuasion and humor, to great effect with these same children... and yet he doesn't see his way towards imitating me. [/quote]

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