Reply to Relatives' lack of interest in my father who had cognitive issues. Is this normal?

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[quote=Anonymous]My late father became a widower at 55 years old. My mom had died after a short battle with cancer, aged only 51.

My father lived on his own and he managed until years later, at age 61, his own health started failing, first unnoticed, then obvious. Eventually he was diagnosed with advanced (undetected) diabetes, infected foot and leg ulcers, osteomyelitis (infection of the bones) and he also started fainting and having fits due to a series of mini strokes (transient ischemic attacks). His behaviour had also changed somewhat. He died from sepsis after an MRSA infection in a hospital, aged only 64.

My father was adamant that he lived in his own house and not in a facility. I organized the appropriate care for him through an agency, though he would sometimes cancel the service behind my back, to my frustration.

I'm an only child and I live about 300 miles away. The majority of my relatives lived near my father's house. The nearest one was 2 or 3 minutes away by car, the others all within a 10 minute drive (maximum).

Alhough one or two relatives initially offered to help - and they did help with groceries, pharmacy, driving him to an ATM, etc - the help soon stopped. Relatives thought it was too much, he was 'difficult', 'demanding', etc.
Meanwhile I still lived 300 miles away. I rang my father most days and my DH and I visited whenever we were able to, usually every 4 weeks. We both had jobs.

I saw my relatives this summer and they're having a nice life and lifestyle. My father would be 78 this year. Becoming ill is no one's fault but I wish they had checked on my father more often when he was ill. 
Living far away from each other, my father was a master in 'hiding' his situation and he would only tell me what he wanted me to hear.
He was also stubborn and proud.

Do you think it's normal that my aunts and uncles didn't offer more support, or at least tried to understand that his 'awkward' behaviour was part of his condition? He wasn't behaving awkwardly on purpose.[/quote]

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