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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My suggestions would be to make sure that you have updated POA and medical POA.  Make sure beneficiaries are up-to-date on all of his accounts.  Make sure you know what bills will need to be paid and have a way of paying those.  Make sure he has a will.  Maybe take the documents to his bank and make sure that they will honor them.  Set up autopay on as many accounts as you can.  Make sure that account is funded.   My dad did bounce a few transactions because he forgot to move money from one account to another at the beginning of the month.

My dad's dementia either was a really fast on-set or went unnoticed for a really long time.  With in a month he went from living on his own and paying his bills and driving, to being hospitalized and needing to move to an assisted living facility.

Luckily, he was well organized and had provided me with everything I needed to step in and take over his financial affairs.  But even with all of the right documents it was overwhelming. Lots of trips to the notary.

I used a service called Owl Be There to help me find a place for him to go after rehab when we realized he was unable to live on his own.  His original wishes were to remain at home, but I was not in any position to navigate that process from another state.  So, maybe have honest conversations about what his wishes are and how you can try to meet them, but it might not be possible.  (I have told my daughters that they can do anything they want with me, if I get to that point).  Luckily, he had the means to pay for assisted living and then a move to memory care.

It is a horrible disease.  I wasn't prepared.  [/quote]

All the practical details are so overwhelming, and I can see how it will help to be on top of those. And some of these I wouldn’t have thought of, like autopsying bills. My parents still send checks to pay bills, so it’s probably time to drag them into the online-processing age. Luckily my stepmother is extremely competent and in good health, but she’s also in her mid-70s. Even if she does end up as the person in charge, it will help to remember how much weight she is quietly bearing from day to day. (They are still in their home of 40+ years and in fact are still sorting through all the “stuff” from when my grandparents died a few years back, so even the nonessentials will be a big job.)

I feel you, PP, on being in a different state. It makes everything so much harder both practically and emotionally. I never knew that the disease could take such a sudden turn. That must have been so rough for you, to have it come up out of seemingly nowhere. There are definite downsides to having advance warning — everyone (including him) notices and analyzes his every forgotten word or other mistake — but overall I’d much rather have time to prepare ourselves. [/quote]

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