Reply to I was the weird, loner kid and now my kid is too. Talk me through this.

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[quote=Anonymous]I was always the kid was a little strange in school. I had friends and got invited to things, but I tended to be on the fringes of groups and I did come in for some bullying at times because of my weirdness. It was hard at times and I've always had this feeling like I'm an outsider. I have friends as an adult, including some good longterm friendships, but even within those groups I'm the "weird one". It's something I have mostly accepted, though there are times when I wish I could just fit in to groups the way other people seem to.

When my kid was younger (like preschool age) it seemed like she was going to be the opposite, and more like my DH, who is the kind of person everyone likes. She is very gregarious and at the time had a very sunny appearance -- big smiles, and would walk right up and chat people up.

But as she's entered elementary school (and in part due to Covid closures and years of masking) this feels like it's changed. She's definitely more of a loner now, and the teachers report that she often just plays on her own during recess. She gets along with other kids, but they form friendship groups among themselves and she kind of floats on the outside. She has not reported any teasing or bullying yet. However,r there was a situation last year where it seemed like she was becoming friends with two girls in her class and then it abruptly stopped, and when I asked her about it, she said the girls were "not nice" to her and she was just going to hang out on her own. I asked what they had done and she just shrugged and said that she didn't like how they talked to her, but could not pinpoint exactly what it was they had done. My suspicion is that they were being somewhat exclusive but not in an overtly mean way. Like maybe they had some inside jokes just between the two of them and my DD was on the outside. I'm guessing this because I've been in that situation before. It's not bullying, but it doesn't feel good and can make you feel more lonely than just not having friends at all.

This is starting to stress me out. I don't want my kid to be lonely. I wish I could say "no big deal, I'm a weird loner and it's great!" But the truth is that it is NOT great. It's a bit hard. The one thing my DD has going for her is that she and I have a really good relationship, whereas my parents and I were never close and I was even a bit of a loner within my family, with older siblings who were popular and mainstream (literally a football star and the head cheerleader, not even joking). DD loves hanging out with me and will tell me I'm her best friend. I love that but I'm her mom, and that's not the same as having peers who are friends. I also worry that my innate weirdness has rubbed off on her and if it's my fault she's a loner like this. My husband says no way, that she just hasn't found her people and that Covid has made it harder, and we just need to be patient. She also starts at a new school next year and I'm hopeful that the change in venue will give her a fresh start and a new group of peers who might fit better.

But I still stress over it. Anyone BTDT and. have any words of wisdom?[/quote]

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