Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

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[quote=Anonymous]This happened to me too. I was the one who sent my kid to therapy when she was sad.  Of course, I felt furious BUT I realized that whatever my kid was feeling was the way she internalized her issues.

Once I apologized to her (in front of her therapist), cried and told her that I will be hands-off to her going forward....then the onus was on the therapist and her to resolve her issues.

I found that DD was now in charge of her decisions and could not blame me any longer and it was freeing.  The therapist was also responsible in giving her guidance and to keep her responsible. .  And the best part is that the therapist would say the same things that I used to say.  After a few years, my DD came back to me telling me how great of a parent I was and how lucky she was to be raised by us, and the therapist is also full of praise for us.  LOL

Let this go, OP.  Tell them you are sorry and that you will be hands-off.  When they are spiralling, insist they talk to the therapist.  When you remove yourself from telling them what to do, your kids do not have you to blame for their laziness, inaction, disorganization, complacency, failures. And they wake up and do the right thing.

Don't let your feelings distract yourself from the real issue - you want your kids to do well and thrive.  Once they are in the right path, they will be very thankful to you.  You just let it go.

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