Reply to How to handle aging parents with a bad marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Make sure their safety needs are being met but otherwise stay out of their marriage.

Nothing you’re seeing is new to them. Not even close. They’ve been having the same arguments for longer than you’ve been alive. This is just the most recent iteration, and for many older couples, there’s something comforting about that predictability and familiarity - even if it’s mostly negative![/quote]

This is so true and OP I wanted to add something else which may be unique to my family. I always thought my parents hated conflict and as they aged I wanted to somehow make it all OK. After dad passed my mother became highly combative with ME. I am not a fight person. My husband and I came from volatile homes with screaming so we discuss and work through and try to resolve, we don't pick fights. In therapy I realized my mom craved conflict like a drug. She was picking fights all over the place and anyone who took a bit back she got caught up in the drama telling us about this person who had the nerve to argue with her. When she told me about other people's conflicts it was like she was intoxicated getting into the drama. All these years I thought she disliked the fdysfunction, but it's all she knows and it makes her feel alive.

Let them do their thing no matter how unpleasant it seems and don't get dragged into the drama.[/quote]

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