Reply to How to handle aging parents with a bad marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous]I lived this, but dad had all the needs and they were at eachother's throats. I made a BIG mistake trying to rescue and make everyone happy. I would try to get a trained professional involved like a geriatric social worker. This person can assess BOTH their needs and help find services. Dad may benefit from mom going to a day program now and then where there are trained professionals to look out for mom, peers to interact with and he gets a break without aides in the home. Do not get dragged into their dysfunction. Just remind them the geriatric social worker is the best one to vent to because she/he is trained to help.

Also, your priority is to make sure nobody is a danger to society. You cannot save them from themselves. I learned that here and in books.If mom at age 75 has the cognitive capacity to decide she is done with diabetes management and she wants to eat cupcakes, it's her choice. If she refuses a cane (EVERYONE refuses the cane-been there done that) and she falls, it was her choice.

Honestly this is going to sound awful, but having been through this and still living through this with a surviving parent, I would much rather die on my terms before I decline into the hell of Alzheimers.[/quote]

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