Reply to Changing children’s last name to biological mom who used sperm donor

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[quote=Anonymous]I had twins via anonymous sperm donor at the age of 44.  An ex-boyfriend wanted to co-parent with me.  Eight years in we are still living together and raising the children.  We co-parent well, but he provides no financial support.  I pay for all the kids private school tuition, activities, travel, clothes, medical care, etc.  Though we live together in his condo which he pays for.  At one point, he said he would marry me, and I believed it, but that never happened and now I don’t want that anymore due to his serious debts and our roommate relationship.  I have a decade left with him before the kids go to college.

I was naive and filled with cultural shame (I was raised in a conservative culture) and so I put his name on the birth certificate as the father.  He said he wanted that, and I gave in.  I also gave the children his last name.

And now, I want the following:

* Change their last name to my name.

I want the kids to have my last name.  I feel that I gave them his last name out of shame of using an anonymous sperm donor and not wanting to leave the father’s name blank on the birth certificate. But I no longer feel any shame.  And I think I was fearful that he wouldn’t want to raise the kids with me if I didn’t give them his last name.  I have no fear anymore.   And I know what I did on the birth certificate was not right.  Now, I am proud of my IVF journey which I did all by myself.

Is this understandable? I am just looking for some feedback from others before I approach the conversation of changing their last name with him.  I am feeling this very acutely right now because my father is in ill health, and these are his only grandchildren.  My kids are very close to my dad and it would be even more special that his name would be passed onto his grandkids.

(Eventually, I will want to amend the birth certificate itself to the truth, but that is not my concern at this moment.)

Thank you for any feedback.

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