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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Let me see your finances - debts, savings, spending habits, etc.  Is he cheap? Is he going to buy a Rolex on a random Tuesday? 
Not something you can ask, but look at his temper over the coarse of at LEAST a year - how does he handle frustration, anger, sadness, road rage, embarrassment - if a stranger engages and tries to start a fight does he de-escalate or get into it?  
Is he civic minded? Does he vote? Volunteer? Donate time/money/resources? Recycle? Compost?
Drugs/alcohol - is whatever his usage is, something you're comfortable with? How does personality change when using? Responsible driver? 
Longevity of relationships - how long has he been friends with his oldest friend? Close with extended family members? 
Career - does he have a plan? Is it realistic? [b]Is he kind to people at work? Does he support coworkers or step on them to get ahead? Does he  treat people "under" him respectfully?[/b]
misogynist/feminist - is he whatever aligns with your beliefs?
Lifestyle - is it compatible with yours? Or is he a city person while you want to live on a farm? Is he someone who always needs to be busy and you want a lot of down time? Does he want to go to monster truck things while  you want to go to the  opera?  Does he want to spend every weekend with family while you want to visit once a year? Do you want vacations to be in a cabin on a lake and he wants to travel around European cities? 
Kids - do you both want the  same #? are you on the same page with lifestyle for kids? Goodwill clothes until they're 15 or Janie and Jack? Will you both spank? 
Safety: does he lock doors and you never do? Does he let anyone into the house and you are suspicious of everyone? [/quote]

So, this actually could have been a red flag in my marriage, but how do you learn something like that?  My ex did not work from home, and I definitely wasn't privy to his work interactions.  The way he described his days at work did not cause any concerns, and his career has been progressing reasonably well at that point.[/quote]

I'm the OP of the list above, and here are things I noticed about my then-boyfriend (now DH): We met while he was in law school and I was in college. He did summer internships at law firms for two summers.

1. Any time he was going out for a coffee, he asked the secretary he sat near if she wanted anything from Dunkin' or Starbucks. The night before his last day he wrote out thank you cards to each person at the firm who'd helped him - the mail room people, a few secretaries, etc. 
2. He told me about being upset when he got to sit in on a meeting with a client and a male partner kept interrupting any woman who spoke, and vowed he wouldn't be like that.
3. I overheard him on a few late night calls with other interns and when one helped him significantly, he told me he was adding that intern's name to the memo so they'd get the credit the deserved.

Little things like that. [/quote]

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