Reply to Lack of In-law Support

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[quote=Anonymous]Maybe I’m just here for commiseration - but has anyone else struggled with seeing an unflattering side of your in-laws after having a baby? Before I had a child and got married (both in the pandemic so crappy and upsetting), I had, for years, helped my now DH spend time with his parents to give their primary caregiver (my now SIL) a break. I guess I always expected that they were so loving and caring they would care for me too. Well, their health took a turn for the worse and SIL is in denial and refuses to find them nursing care, instead dumping it on her siblings. I never said a peep but now that I have a baby it is incredibly depressing to me how this family has not even shown to give two craps about me and our needs as a family.

I had severe birth complications and a premature baby during Covid (like many of you). After all the smiley, kissy face texts thanking me for helping with her parents (which I now realize I had no obligation to do pre marriage), she didn’t even ask how I was. Neither did his parents. None of them. It has made me resent her and the parents and feel sick to my stomach realizing how they don’t care about my needs. For example, i had what turned out to be false labor and my DH was guilted to still go watch his parents so she could go on vacation. When she asked how I was and I said not great, she stonewalled me and triangulated DH to say she was scared I was mad. I was more mad that she didn’t ask how I was! And his mom saw me and asked me, heavily pregnant, to wait on her and do her dishes.

After I had the traumatic birth, I struggled for months feeling ignored by them even though I asked how they were often. Now that my baby is in daycare, I have to deal with SIL laying the guilt on DH to come watch his parents again. She apparently is saying well I did it alone and only had daycare. Well she had her healthy parents to help not take her husband away so she’d be like a single parent!

I am so done and told SIL I sympathize with her stress and wish we could help but our family is first. She is stonewalling me. It hurts.  Am I awful? I want us to visit a few times a year even though they hurt me so much and, to me, took advantage of my kindness and perhaps naïveté.

It’s just so selfish and I feel alone and distressed that I hoped my in-laws could be the family I never had myself. [/quote]

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