Reply to Therapy for those juggling elderly parents, teens, and jobs

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The best thing you can do is proactively make life easier/less stressful for your husband. Step up and help. Take things off his plate. Don’t ask him to do anything. Let him focus on his parents, and try to help. Don’t judge. Don’t criticize.

He probably would feel like he doesn’t have the luxury of time to find a therapist and actually sit down to talk. [/quote]

Noooo. I have lived this and gotten plenty of advice from aging care professionals and therapists over the years. The worst thing he can do is make his parents, who have lead complete lives, the number one priority. Your marriage and children and his health come first otherwise it all falls apart. It is all about boundaries and not engaging in any dysfunctional games like guilt trips,etc. Some challenging elderly will eat their young. He cannot set himself on fire to keep them warm. He has to find balance and your lives cannot revolve around their needs.[/quote]

Disagree.

If you were raised by loving parents, then you care for them as they age.

It’s no wonder Americans are in such dire straits. Far too many don’t have empathy.

I was raised by loving parents. My siblings and I are stepping up to help them as they age. We are modeling this sort of loving behavior for our children. This is what normal families do.

If the spouse wants to help her husband, then *help him* by taking things off his plate. Suggesting therapy to a busy guy isn’t helpful imho. [/quote]

Far too many aging parents don't have empathy for their children jugging their own kids, spouses, stressors and health issues. Lots of interesting tactics in this post trying to manipulate people into not setting boundaries.  "Normal" families sacrifice their sanity for elders. Actually normal, healthy families figure out what boundaries work for their system. What on earth makes you think a wife should take on all family responsibilities so that a husband can go spend all his free time caring for his aging parents? The message here is that a wife doesn't matter. She should do double the work so her inlaws, who presumably don't work and have plenty of free time can be catered to. Between your overt anti-American views and the misogyny this really is a disturbing post.[/quote]

Sacrifice their sanity???

Wow. Just wow. [/quote]

Clearly you have never dealt with a highly difficult and irrational elderly person for years. I had to set boundaries to preserve my mental health. Plenty of people quit working for her. Some people who are already challenging b efore aging, turn into monsters as they age. The "normal families sacrifice their sanity for elders" was sarcasm.

Wow, just wow that you live in a bubble and don't understand some people have to deal with truly awful elders.[/quote]

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