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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think it’s fair to expect separate holidays on Christmas Day and thanksgiving itself. But it should be fine to have dinners together on non holidays without the steps, trips without the steps of you visit them from out of town etc [/quote]

This. Everyone can suck it up for holidays and large family events.[/quote]

OP here: It’s not just holidays though. It’s practically every time we see my in laws (which is at least once a month, usually more). If we see them less than that, we get the guilt trip. [/quote]

New poster here. Emotionally distance yourself from the emotional entanglement so the guilt trips don't work and don't distress you. It may take some time. Maybe show up 1-3x/yr with the extended fam. Otherwise just set up a second holiday/get-together with them with just you and them. It is completely unreasonable to have every time you see your parents be with multiple other families.  My spouse's family is like this and I think it is odd, coming from a nuclear and extended family with a balance of 1:1, small group and extended family gatherings. I don't need to be with him and his mom-they need/deserve alone time with just each other. [/quote]

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