Reply to I feel like I have forced myself to a crossroads

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[quote=Anonymous]I have a terrible mother. She’s not always terrible, but she is occasionally and somewhat unpredictably intensely cruel. These storms arise and you have to wait her out essentially and she will return to her baseline personality which is selfish and annoying but not overtly abusive. She complained recently about our relationship always being kind of fraught and tension filled. And it is! Because I’m always braced for a storm. In her mind I’m overly sensitive and she rewrites the event in her mind so that it was not that bad or totally justified or something just entirely different.

Anyway, she had one of these episodes on me on Monday and made me cry in the middle of a doctors office. Totally unexpected incredibly cruelty. And the first time in awhile after convincing me to let my guard down a bit in recent months. I have been in therapy and I just hung up on her and then blocked her number. And now it’s like 6 days later and I have not unblocked her number and the longer it goes the more it feels like a thing.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for. I was once prepared to cut her out of my life but then a series of real and unexpected tragedies befell our family and I felt like I just could not do it. But a decade later, I’m not sure. [/quote]

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