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[quote=Anonymous]Hi OP,

First, ((hugs)).  Second, it sounds really hard, and also exhausting, to be you. From what you write, your brain has been hardwired with this through (something) happening in your early life, and your current pattern of thinking just keeps drilling down and making it worse.

To use an analogy: The mind is like a road system, when a certain path of neurons fire, it cuts a trail through the forest.  If that trail is used, it widens out and the dirt becomes compacted and easier to walk on.  Continue to fire that neural trail, and it gets paved over.  Soon you're adding onramps and widening it even further.  It becomes that default highway you use instead of the little surface streets or foottrails.

So you've got a highway to insecurity going on here.  It can be trained out and become an "old unused road" by getting another road in place.

All a long way to say, OP, you need a therapist, probably in CBT (cognitive behavior therapy), but also, to get at what started this trail in the first place, someone who will help you see what happened in your childhood to set you on this path.

I never realized how much my (pretty straighforward, "normal") childhood turned me into who I am, and it's really helped me figure out how to re-direct my unhealthy thoughts and behaviors while also re-affirming my healthy thoughts and behaviors.

Good luck, OP!

Also I do want to mention one little trick that has helped me in your sort of situation.  It sounds mean but it's not.  I remind myself that I am not the center of the universe.  People default to thinking about themselves, not ME.  So if someone cancels dinner, it's not about ME.  It's about something happening in their life.  Does that make sense?  To be thinking it's about me, is to be really self-absorbed.  So, ironically, by acknowleging that I'm not all-important *to other people*, has stopped me from feeling worthless and insecure. [/quote]

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