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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Judgy is one thing. Gossipy is another. It appears that she is both. [b]Also, trust that if she is gossiping to you she is gossiping about you.[/b] Are you sure you want to maintain this friendship? If you confront her, you have to address both behaviors and she will likely keep her gossip and judgeness from you. That behavior is passive agressive also.[/quote]

This. I had a judgmental, gossipy friend once and I don't know what made me think she wasn't doing this stuff to me as well, but I did, for years. I felt so dumb when I figured it out. I'd made excuses for her for many years. I didn't engage in her gossip but I didn't always call her out on it either -- I'd just be quiet or change the subject.

I stayed friends with her because I think I'd bought into the idea that her judgmental attitude meant she was discerning, and therefore took her friendship as a compliment. It's crazy how long it took me to recognize that she was of course talking about me behind my back, sharing details I thought I'd told her in confidences etc. It's embarrassing but it was a hard won lesson. Gossips gossip. If they are talking negatively about other "friends", they are talking negatively about you. [/quote]

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