Reply to Nervous about seeing relative at wake

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "Nervous about seeing relative at wake"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I want to make another suggestion no one here has offered, which is hire a babysitter for your baby and 6 year old and don't have them attend the wake.  I don't know if it will be open or closed casket, but it can be weird for kids to see dead bodies.  Many kids take it in stride, but some sensitive kids do not.  You may not really need your kids there to honor your father -- your infant won't remember it and your 6 year old quite possibly won't either.  I remember going to my aunt's wake when I was 9 and it messed me up for a while, couldn't sleep for several nights, just laid awake thinking about death and how at one point I'd be dead too and would stop having a physical existence.

Anyway, you could save your kids from dealing with the wake and save yourself from having to deal with some confrontation with your BIL about your son.  Not that your BIL should be confronting you and being a dick.  But you could fairly easily mostly avoid most of this problem except direct interaction between you and BIL.[/quote]

I’m taking this advice and running with it.

It would be a logistical nightmare pulling my son out of daycare and my son out of camp. My son is also very stressed out about his grandfather’s
death.

But: will my mom be angry that they didn’t come?[/quote]

You know best how your mom will feel, but here are a few options re how to present it to her in the best light:

* The wake experience isn't how you want your son to remember your grandfather; you want him to remember the good times they had together and not his dead body in a coffin.
* If your mom is expecting your kids to go, that means you probably went to wakes when you were a kid, too.  Do you remember any of them and would any of those memories support the idea that your sons might not really need to go?  
* Bringing your kids to the wake is a little more complicated than you feel like you could properly deal with right now when you are also dealing with feelings about your father's death, but would your mother be willing to come to lunch in a few weeks with your sons where you lovingly share memories of your father and maybe visit the grave afterwards (if you live relatively nearby?)?
* "Mom, if you really feel that they should come, I will bring them for you.  It could be quite stressful for me to manage everything, including my newborn baby, while I am also trying to process my own grief over dad, so I really think it would be best if I come without my very young kids.  You know they have their grandpa in their hearts and don't need to watch a sad, sad wake to honor him -- but if you really want me to, we will bring them."

You could also be honest and mention the BIL spat, and say "I know most of the family will be there including BIL and I would just like to make things as simple as possible to avoid any further confrontation and drama between us."

Anyway, I'm sorry about your father and that you are dealing with all of this right now, and send you my sincerest good wishes![/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics